Coffee Klatch

Welcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking about friends and relationships! The Managed Friendship Plan (MFP) combines all the advantages of a traditional friendship network, with important cost-saving features.

How Does It Work?

Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers (FPs). All your friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Friendship Staff.

What’s Wrong with my Current Friends?

If you’re like most people, you are receiving friendship services from a network of friendship providers haphazardly patched together from your old neighborhoods, jobs, and schools. The result is often costly duplication, inefficiency, and conflict. Many of your current friends may not meet national standards, responding to your needs with inappropriate, outmoded, or even experimental acts of friendship.

Under Managed Friendship, your friendship needs are coordinated by your designated Best Friend, who will ensure the quality and goodness of all your friendly relationships.

How Do I Know that the Plan’s Panel of Friends Is Not Made Up of a Bunch of Losers Who Can’t Make Friends on Their Own?

Many of today’s most dedicated and highly-trained Friendship Providers are as concerned as we are about delivering Quality Friendship in a cost-effective manner. They have joined our network because they want to focus on acting like a friend rather than doing the paperwork and paying the high bad-friendship premiums that have caused the cost of traditional friendship to skyrocket. Our Friendship Providers have met our rigorous standards of companionship and loyalty.

What If I Need a Special Friend, Say, for Hiking or Fishing?

Special Friends are responsible for most of the unnecessary and expensive activities that burden already costly relationships. Under the Managed Friendship Plan, your Best Friend is qualified to pre-approve your referral to a Special Friend within the Managed Friendship Network should your needs fall outside of the scope of his/her friendship.

Suppose I Want to See Friends Outside the Managed Friendship Network?

You may make friends outside of the Managed Friendship Network only in the event of a Friendship Emergency.

What is a Friendship Emergency?

The Managed Friendship Plan covers your friendship needs 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, even if you need a friend out of town, after regular business hours, or when your Best Friend is with someone else.

You might be on a business trip, for instance, and suddenly find that you feel lonely. In such cases, you may make a New Friend, and all approved friendly activities will be covered under the Plan, provided you notify the Managed Friendship Office (or 24-hour Friendship Hotline) within two business days.

What Friendly Activities Are Covered Under the Plan?

Friendly Activities that are typically covered include:
- Agreeing with you
- Appearing sympathetic
- Chewing the fat
- Dropping by
- Feeling your pain
- Gossiping
- Hanging out
- Holding your hand (up to 5 minutes per activity)*
- Joshing
- Kidding around
- Listening to you whine
- Passing the time
- Patting your back
- Ribbing
- Sharing a meal
- Shooting the breeze
- Teasing

*up to 15 minutes under the Premium Gold Friendship Plan

What Friendly Activities Are Not Covered Under the Plan?

Activities that would not be pre-approved include (but are not limited to):
- Bar hopping
- Bending over backwards
- Drinking to excess
- Giving a hoot
- Going the extra mile
- Lending money
- Real empathy
- Truly caring
- Using illicit drugs

How Can I Find Out More About the Managed Friendship Plan?

A simple call is all it takes. If you need a friend, just call our toll-free number. Or visit our website. Sign up for the Managed Friendship Plan and rest easier knowing all of your appropriate friendship needs will be met.

Who Decides What’s Appropriate for Me?

We do. Isn’t that what friends are for?

I found a new game yesterday (launched less than a month ago) that has already got me hooked. It’s another MMORPG that’s free and is made by the same people who do Tribal Wars. It’s called The West and in it you role-play a character from the Old West, do jobs, go on quests, fight duels, found and build towns, etc., increasing in experience levels and skills. Depending on what type of character you choose, you can focus on craftsman work, military, trapping, banditry, etc.

Here’s a list of the character classes you can choose from (once you reach level 10):

Adventurer
Trapper, Wanderer, Indian, Prospector

Dueler
Bounty Hunter, Gunslinger, Bandit, Hangdog

Worker
Cowboy, Quaker, Craftsman, Mortician

Soldier
Cavalryman, Mexican, Mercenary, Iroquois

And of course you’ve got the typical interaction with other people throughout, since it’s a MMORPG. If you give it a try, look me up when you get there. I’m in World 2 (the only one open right now) and I go by the name Jack Carson.

If you do try the game out, be sure to use the Help info (button on the bottom right of your screen) for all the background info you need to get started. Also, there’s a “The West Tool” that has loads of information like what skills you need for every job (you can sort by many categories),  the quests that are unlocked at different levels, all the clothing available and what skills they improve, and more.

(Note: This game was originally in German, so occasionally you’ll come across words or descriptions that haven’t been translated yet.)

The Accident Report

Gentlemen:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 250 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 250 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 145 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground–and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 45 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth, and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

A couple months ago I bought some of the Dark-Chocolate-covered Espresso Beans at Starbucks. It was one of those instances where I didn’t check the price when I grabbed it off the shelf. (What an Impulse Buyer!) When it got rung up, I thought it was a little high, but since I was buying that and a coffee for me and a friend, I didn’t pay too much attention. When I got back to my office (yes, Starbucks is right on campus, just a building away!), I looked and found out it was $8.95! For a big container of chocolate-covered espresso beans! DANG!

So then I had to figure out how much I was getting for that kind of money. I took a sticky note and started making tally marks on it as I ate the beans. Yes, I’d become a Bean Counter!

Turns out that the whole container had 225 dark-chocolate-covered espresso beans. At $8.95, that turns out to $0.04 per bean. With all the dark chocolate that’s on there, that’s really not a bad deal. Figure you’d pay a quarter for six of them–that seems appropriate.  Especially since most people only eat a few at one sitting.

So there you go. And now you know.

Funny guy who tells it like it is and reminds us how good we actually have it. DEFINITELY worth watching!

Two great buddies, Tommy and Fred, were two of the biggest baseball fans in the USA.

Their entire adult lives, Tommy and Fred discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season.

They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other something they always wanted to know: Is there baseball in heaven?

One summer night, Tommy passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Fred awoke to the sound of Tommy’s voice from Glory.

“Tommy! Tommy, is that you?” Fred asked.

“Of course it me,” Tommy replied.

“This is incredible!” Fred exclaimed. “OK. So I know why you’re here. Tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”

“Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”

“Tell me the good news first.”

“Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Fred.”

“Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?”

“You’re pitching tomorrow night.”

Here are some more fun quizzes and “blogthings” and my results. I haven’t done any of these in a long time, so I’ve tried to find some new ones that I haven’t done before.

Your Autumn Test Results

You are a energetic, warm, optimistic person. You approach everything with a lot of enthusiasm.When you’re happiest, you are outgoing and expressive . You love celebrations, and you enjoy showing off a little.You embrace change. You love change. You see change as a rebirth. You find solitude to be the most comforting thing in the world. Being alone with your thoughts feels very peaceful. Your ideal day is chill and uneventful. You prefer to kick back and take it easy. You tend to live in the moment. You enjoy whatever is going on, and you don’t obsess over the past or future.

The Autumn Test

You Are Badminton

You are quite talented but not very appreciated. You are detail oriented, very focused, and agile. You are happy to forsake glory for success in something you truly love.

What Olympic Sport Are You?

You Are Chai Tea

There are many subtle sides to your personality. You are difficult to decode. You are a complex and deep individual. You have many nuanced beliefs, and your mood frequently changes.You are a creative and expressive person. You draw your inspiration from the whole world. You enjoy exotic food, music, and travel. Your tastes are very international.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

You Are Barbeque Sauce

You are a social person. You enjoy cooking for other people. You are both skillful and competitive. You enjoy mastering hard tasks. You appreciate complexity more than simplicity.Your taste in food tends to lean toward interesting flavors. You appreciate exotic spice combinations. You tend to like cutting edge, fusion cuisine. You get along with all personalities from a distance. Except salsa personalities, who always seem to annoy you.

What Condiment Are You?

Here are some trivial facts from Gullible.info. (By the way, if you want to get some weekly trivia via RSS, here’s the link: http://www.gullible.info/gullible.rss.php)

• 23,101 children under the age of 10 were asked which animal cracker tastes best. Forty-seven per cent said the elephant is the tastiest. One percent said there’s no difference.

• Peyton and Eli Manning, brothers who are NFL quarterbacks, both threw a touchdown with their first official pass in high school.

• Songwriter Randy Newman’s mother was 4′ 8.5″ tall.

• More soda is consumed through a straw than all other beverages combined.

• Twenty-three percent of PC users never change their screensaver from the factory-loaded one.

• 3,926 Americans who were born on April 18th, 1923, the day Yankee Stadium opened, died on September 21, 2008, the day the Stadium hosted its last regular season game.

• A higher percentage of adults cite peanut butter as their favorite food (8.7% ) than gradeschoolers (7.8%).

• Among American adults who believe in Creationism or Intelligent Design, 14.6 percent believe the Bible was originally written in English.

• Neither Richard Rodgers nor Oscar Hammerstein II, who wrote the musical Oklahoma!, ever visited the state.

• A recent study performed by the University of South Carolina indicates that, despite the old saying, brunettes have seven percent more fun than blondes do.

• By the time they enter preschool, three in ten children will have their own personal computers.

• The National Association of Pet Stores (NAPS) estimates that 43 percent of new customers ask to purchase “exotic” pets such as foxes, tiger cubs, and alligators. This is up from 22 percent in 1998.

• At some point in their school careers, John McCain, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Sarah Palin have all performed in a production of the musical Oklahoma!

Barack Obama delivered the Top Ten list during an appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman.

(For those that just want to read them)

10. To keep the budget balanced, I’ll rent the situation room for sweet sixteens.
9. I will double your tax money at the craps table.
8. Appoint Mitt Romney secretary of lookin’ good.
7. If you bring a gator to the White House, I’ll wrassle it.
6. I’ll put Regis on the nickel.
5. I’ll rename the tenth month of the year ”Barack-tober.”
4. I won’t let Apple release the new and improved Ipod the day after you bought the previous model.
3. I’ll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece.
2. Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear.
1. Three words: Vice President Oprah.

This “pfunny” may be especially relevant to college students at this point in the semester. For many it’s been 4-5 weeks since the semester started, so here are some signs you really need to do the laundry:

You’re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.

You’ve worn your sheets to school because you can’t get them off of you.

Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie “Outbreak” to avoid catching the Ebola virus.

The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.

The DEA’s drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 12 tons of pot in your closet.

Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.

The phrase “Wash Me” is visibly written in your jeans.

Your red T-shirt is now green.

Even your pets don’t want to sniff you.

Your friends talk to you at yelling distance.

The moths in your closet have moved to a new home.