After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker’s compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related.

“How did you get the wooden leg?” asked the agent.

In a booming voice the pirate replied, “Arrrr, well me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang ’round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg.”

The agent replied, “That is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand?”

“Well matey, we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand,” said the pirate.

“That’s also work related. Now how did you lose your eye?” asked the agent.

The pirate replied, “Well matey, I was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!”

“What does that have to do with the loss of your eye?” said the agent.

“Arrrr, it were the first day with me hook!”

So, it’s Talk Like A Pirate Day and you’re at work wondering how you can get “into it” a little more. Many workplaces won’t allow costumes and I’ve found through personal experience that many coworkers tire of hearing Piratespeak after a few hours. ;-)

So what you need is a little ambience for your computer. Visit http://www.2kgames.com/pirates/pirates/Masthead_lang1.swf and let that screen stay up in the background. It’s a kind of splash screen for the Sid Meier’s Pirates game and it has accompanying background sounds like waves, thunder, creaking ships, and the calling out of distant helmsmen as they acknowledge each other (and keep from running into each other).  Just set your volume appropriately and you can feel like you’re in the Caribbean, sailing through wind and weather. Only without the peg-leg captain breathing down your neck with his cutlass prodding you to work harder. (I hope!)

Yup! September 19th is that special day! No, not the birthday of Adam West (1928), Jeremy Irons (1948), or Twiggy (1949). Well, it IS their birthday. And, no, not the anniversary of the deaths of Red Foley (1968), Orville Redenbacher (1995), or Rich Mullins (1997), although it is. It’s International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

You can find the original Talk Like A Pirate Day website at http://www.talklikeapirate.com/, where there are all kinds of links, piratey sayings, fun & games ideas, and tips for talking like a pirate.

So get prepared to shiver your timbers, matey, and celebrate this most special of days tomorrow!

The third movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean series finally hit the cheap theater near us. The whole family went to see it for $5 TOTAL! Gotta love that. And I think this last one is my favorite of the three, but I blogged about that when I saw the movie opening weekend.

So it looks like Pirates of the Caribbean is getting into the MMORPG racket. It’s called Pirates of the Caribbean Online and after I read about how it was going to work, my first question was, “Will I have to pay for this or will there be a free version?” Turns out they’re expected to have an “Advanced Player” subscription of $9.95 a month but the basic version is supposed to be free. FREE! I read that the only difference between the two versions is going to be ads. And since I use Firefox, I can easily block the ads and just play the game! WOOHOO!!

(These pictures are screenshots from the game. Click them to view tons more screenshots.)

There’s already a nicely detailed article on Wikipedia about the game, which I’ve read is supposed to launch on June 1. I’ve been playing Tribal Wars for a couple of months now and have started to get bored with it. I’ve already dropped most of the accounts I had the various Tribal Wars worlds (there are 7 now) and am down to just one or two that I still maintain and check on daily. Still, a pirate MMORPG would be awesome! There are a couple out there now, but they’re not very impressive. THIS one sounds like it will be.

Here are some key elements of this game:

  • You create your own customized pirate character and battle other pirates and go on piratey quests.
  • When you’re on a ship, it’s not just you running the ship. It’s an actual crew, with someone in charge and giving orders and the rest carrying them out. It’s going to be a “friendly community” setting where people can interact with each other rather than everyone on their own individual ships.
  • You can interact with many of the characters from the movies.
  • There will be player guilds and a “virtual economy,” so you can acquire gold and buy and sell things. Buried treasures are, of course, part of the game, and you can trade the gems and artifacts in this open-market-style economy.
  • There will a variety of ships to choose from, which you can buy or even take over from other pirates.
  • The combat system is supposed to be quite “robust,” with levels of weaponry that you have to earn to “unlock” and make available.
  • You can join crews (for quick battles) or guilds (for long term strategic play).
  • Your character can build up notoriety by mastering skills, winning battles, hunting for treasure, and even by playing poker, blackjack, and darts with other pirates in the taverns.

All in all, this sounds like the best of Puzzle Pirates, 3-D interactive gaming, and MMORPGs, all immersed in the Pirates of the Caribbean setting. How fun is THAT??

Despite what some of the reviews have said, I LOVED THIS MOVIE! I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End on Saturday morning (the day after opening) for $4. It was DEFINITELY worth it. ;-) This third movie of the series was almost three hours long, but wrapped up the story very nicely, while still leaving room for more if desired. There were a few really good fighting scenes, both melee and sea battles. I found the overall story progression better than Dead Man’s Chest. Plus, seeing Chow Yun Fat as a pirate was terrific! They added some new elements and characters to the story and a couple interesting twists that actually pulled together some loose ends that had developed over the last two movies. And of course the makeup, costumes, and special effects were simply outstanding. No movie is complete without great actors, and this movie really delivered that as well. Johnny Depp is as excellent an actor as ever, and very thorough and funny even in the little details and facial expressions.

And just like the other two movies, there were plenty of quotable lines:

Lord Cutler Beckett: [Jack has a cannon aimed at Beckett] You’re mad!
Jack Sparrow: [grins] Thank goodness for that because if I wasn’t, this’d probably never work.

Barbossa: [at a pirate gathering] There’s not been a gathering like this in our lifetime.
Jack Sparrow: And I owe them all money.

Jack Sparrow: [Flies from one ship to another and lands on deck] And that was without a single drop of rum!

Jack Sparrow: Will you tell me something? Have you come because you need my help to save a certain distressing damsel? Er… rather damsel in distress? Either one.

Elizabeth Swann: [watching a huge fight among the pirates] This is madness!
Jack Sparrow: This is politics!

Jack Sparrow: Shoot him and cut out his tongue. Then shoot his tongue!

Jack Sparrow: Yes I lied to you. No, I don’t love you. Of course it makes you look fat. I’ve never been to Brussels. It is pronounced ‘eh-GREE-jous’. By the way, no, I have never actually met Pizzaro, but I love his pies.

And then there was the whole thing between Capt. Jack Sparrow and Barbossa and their telescopes. Very funny!

It’s a must-see on the big screen, so don’t wait for the DVD. Go to a matinee this summer and pay less and fight smaller crowds to see this. That said, I can’t WAIT for the DVD to come out. Looks like that won’t happen until December.

Nowadays, a truly great movie has to have everything: action, romance, deep themes, great special effects, great makeup, a compelling story, and comedy. Yes, comedy, even when the movie’s not really a comedy at all. Funny lines and bit add greatly to the enjoyment of the movie. PotC: At World’s End was all of that!

For those of you haven’t heard about this, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a parody religion founded by Bobby Henderson who was reacting against science curriculum standards being proposed by the Kansas Board of Education a couple years ago. Here is an excerpt from a letter he wrote:

Open Letter To Kansas School Board

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Adherents call themselves Pastafarians and I get the impression that most of them are simply using this a way of mocking those who believe in Intelligent Design. From the comments on their site, it seems many Pastafarians view all religions as superstitions made up by groups within societies to fill some emotional need that their intellects weren’t advanced enough to deal with.

Many ID-ers certainly have gotten upset by FSMism and communicated that. It’s kinda sad how many Christians have taken them seriously and tried to disprove it or argue about it. It was started by someone with a sense of humor and a disbelief in Intelligent Design. People who are reacting against FSMism should realize that and treat the issue a little more lightly.

Oh, and to further show the sense of humor behind this, it’s only permitted to worship and teach about the Flying Spaghetti Monster while wearing full Pirate regalia.

In my mind, it’s a way to play at religion and do/say “religiony” things without being committed to a serious system of beliefs. Does that show a deep need for people to believe in a higher power even when their brains are telling them it’s all made up? That’s a topic for another day.

And if you’re a Pastafarian yourself reading this and you disagree with me, then May You Be Touched By His Noodly Appendage.

Here’s a link to a cool online store I found, called Port Royal Trading Company. Just loads and loads of piratey stuff: accessories, books, costumes, decals and stickers, drinkware, flags and pennants, games and toys, headware, jewelry, maps and charts, nautical goods, party goods, t-shirts, and much more! It’s a regular TREASURE CHEST of goodies! :-D

I first found out about Archie McPhee’s because of their librarian action figure. Then I had a friend point me to them because of all the Christianity-related toys. And then yesterday morning they had a feature story on NPR’s Morning Edition. Since they present a snapshot of American culture, the Archie McPhee catalogs are even collected in the Smithsonian!

There are just so many incredible and funny things that it’s impossible to make a good list. But I’ll try. Be sure to read their descriptions, which are also quite humorous. Here are some of my favorites:

Devil Duckie (this made them famous)
The Illustrated Librarian Temporary Tattoos
Nun Chuck
Pirate Mints (grog flavored)
Marie Antoinette Action Figure
World’s Largest Underpants
Bacon Strips Bandages
What Would A Pirate Do? Deluxe Spin Folder
Gummy Heart
Horrified B-Movie Victims
Tub O’ Flying Cats (ammo for the Cat-A-Pult)
Bacon Air Freshener
Nun Punching Puppet
Remote Control, Hopping, Yodeling Lederhosen
Lunch Lady Action Figure
Last Supper Longbox
Monkey Bobblehead
Angry Scotsman Chewing Gum
Pope Innocent III Action Figure
Category: Classics
Category: Pirates
Category: Weirdest Products

Oh, and they even have a TON of fun things available for less than $10!

Current music: The Good Life, by David Lanz

I missed it the other night but tonight, from 8-10pm, they’re rerunning the Mythbusters Pirate Special (episode #71). They examined all kinds of myths associated with pirates. Here’s a video clip from the episode.

The first myth was that cannonballs were more dangerous from the splintering wood they caused than from the balls themselves. They did a sample with just a 2-inch ball bearing and an air cannon, and they tried with pine, white oak, and red oak, at a decent velocity, although a bit less than the 1200 ft/sec that cannonballs typically flew at. All three woods left a rather lethal spray of splinters. White oak was most lethal. Then they reproduced it at full size for 6-pound cannonballs at 300mph. They ended up needing to use a modified air cannon rather than gunpowder. It was HUGE! :-D Since no real pirate ships were available, Adam had to build it himself after researching the dimensions of the wood, etc. The final cannon shot at about 500 ft/sec and they used four 150-pound pigs, since the bodies act similarly to human bodies in many ways. A plain cannonball went through ALL FOUR of the pigs! Then they tested it on the mockup ship, dangling the pigs behind it. The ball went all the way through and created lots of splinters, but none that flew and penetrated the pigs’ skins at all. It only would have been dangerous if you were right next to the hole. Since their muzzle velocity was only about half the speed of regular cannons, they weren’t totally convinced. The last option was to try to find a genuine cannon that would fire faster and closer to speed of pirate cannons. They found an actual piece of civil war field artillery that’s a real live cannon, with the same ball size, etc. The freshly ordered shot that were ordered for that specific gun were TOO BIG! Weird! So they got an angle grinder to take 1/8 inch off the ball. That gun, with 1.5 pounds of black powder, had a muzzle velocity of 1430 ft/sec. Once they tried that in the same scenario, it had tons more power and threw plenty of splinters, but the splinters didn’t have enough mass and velocity and didn’t really stick in the pigs. MYTH BUSTED!

The second myth was that pirates wore an eye patch not because of injury, but to keep that eye night vision ready. It’s said that they would switch the patch from one eye to the other when going from light into dark, keeping night vision cells (rods) sensitive since they’re not exposed to bright light. The science bears it out. The cones are what allow you to see details in normal light. Their test showed that it took over 20 minutes for the cones to adjust to be able to see details in the lowest levels of light. But the eye that had been covered with a patch was able to see those same details almost right away! They ran a test to verify, constructing a really cool obstacle course for the guys to run through in the dark, including life-size pop-up pictures of people that they had to either stab or not (don’t stab the wench, but DO stab the scurvy dogs), stacked cannonballs to avoid knocking over, a treasure chest to open with a key, and then they had to raise the Jolly Roger that was in the chest. Both guys took about 6 minutes to run through the course and get the flag raised. The course was rearranged and they did it again with fantastic results! Both guys did the whole course in less than two minutes and with 100% accuracy. Then they ran it through once more, with the course exactly the same but with a light-exposed eye and they took just as long as the first time. MYTH PLAUSIBLE!

Does rum work for cleaning all kinds of stains? They compared rum, “ye olde 17th-century soap,” a secret recipe (urine reduces to ammonia), and modern laundry detergent and how they cleaned stains of blood, sweat, and pitch (tar). The first problem was that the sweat that Adam worked so hard to generate just didn’t leave a stain. So he substituted oranges, assuming that pirates would have kept them on board to avoid scurvy. The conclusions were that the best for blood was the stale urine and the best for the tar was the modern detergent. The old soap didn’t do that well and the RUM WAS THE WORST cleaner. Definitely better for drinking than for washing!! MYTH BUSTED!

The final myth was whether pirates could be up in the rigging and stick a knife or sword in a sail, sliding down to the deck, using the sail to slow down enough to allow the pirate to land lightly on the deck and begin fighting. They found out that sails had “reef bands” that are three times the thickness (3 pennies thick), with 2-4 of them per sail, going across horizontally. So that was a concern. They took three differen period-style weapons, clamped them in and pulled the sailcloth past with a deadweight to remove the human factor. They found that the sharper blade cut faster (big surprise) and that it was possible for a human to hold a knife/sword and not have it ripped out of their hand or anything. The full weight on a two-reef-band sail with a sharp knife was too fast, hitting the ground way too fast. A duller knife hit a reef band and came out, causing the dummy to plummet to the ground even faster. So they tried a live person trial in a gym that had huge nets to catch people who fell. Without any knife (freefall) ended at 25 mph, which would break both legs. Trying the knife, when he hit the reef band, it kicked the blade up and therefore out of the sail, creating a freefall for that. If it were sharper, to cut the reef bands, it wouldn’t slow the person enough to land safely. A real-life situation would only be different in that there would probably be two reef bands instead of just one. Oh, and a hard wooden deck to break your legs. MYTH BUSTED!

So there you go! What a blast! (I LOVE this show!)

[tags]mythbusters, pirates, cannons, rum[/tags]

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