Coffee Klatch

Every once in a while I’ll post a joke that I read somewhere. Like JumboJoke.com. And it’s no secret that I really thought very little of Clinton when he was president (or even afterwards). Regardless of my opinion about Bush and the job he’s doing (or not), here’s a recent post that “JumboJoke.com” put on their site: Thank You President Clinton. I’ve clipped some of the items out, both to keep from blatantly copying/pasting the whole thing and also to drive you to the website, where you can read more jokes and funny anecdotes.

Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton:

I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, “Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore.” So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my “Thank you” for what you have done, specifically:

1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?

2. Thank you for teaching my 8-year-old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until he was a little older to discuss it with him, but now he knows more about it than I did as a senior in college.

3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of “it” is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one does not have sex.

[snip]

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.

[snip]

7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonment’s from the Whitewater “mess” and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other “Clinton” scandals.

[snip]

10. Now that you’ve left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society. (Not to mention the scores you pardoned while Governor of Arkansas)

11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I’m sure that Laura Bush didn’t like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you’ve received from your “friends.”

[snip]

13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her “tell-all” book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn’t pay!

14. The last and most important point - thank you for forcing Israel to let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called “political prisoners”. However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, “insisted” that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World Trade Center. This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports. Why shouldn’t Americans know the real truth?

What a guy!!

And finally, thank you for reminding me of the things to consider now that Hillary is running for president.

SINCERELY,
A US Citizen

[tags]Bill Clinton, clinton, humor, president[/tags]

Zero Tolerance is something that I think we should have zero tolerance for. That’s because Zero Tolerance treats the world as black & white, without any allowance for mitigating factors. You end up with innocent and/or well-meaning people getting severely penalized for trying to help, like in my recent blog post about Harsh Treatment. Many of the writeups at This Is True tend to highlight these kinds of stories in the news, because they’re so WHACKED!

Related to This Is True is JumboJoke.com, which is written by the same guy and which recently posted Zero Tolerance: Then and Now. It compares life back when I was a kid to life today, with regard to kids and schools and zero tolerance.

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

1973: Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack’s rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.

2007: School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

—

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1973: Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

2007: Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

—

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1973: Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.

2007: Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

—

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping.

1973: Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007: Billy’s Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy’s sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

—

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1973: Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2007: Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations Car searched for drugs and weapons.

—

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1973: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college

2007: Pedro’s cause is taken up by state Democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t speak English.

—

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1973: Ants die. Johnny observes the flying dirt clods and realizes the power of explosives and is more careful from then on.

2007: Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. PETA throws “ant blood” on Johnny, and the resulting PTSD causes him to become a serial killer.

—

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1973: In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007: Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.

[tags]zero tolerance, news, children, foolishness[/tags]

The Herald-News, from Joliet Illinois, recently posted a story about a middle school student who got in trouble for reporting a gun on campus.

Seems Ryan Morgan heard a rumor about there being a gun in the boy’s restroom. He checked it out and found a pellet gun in the garbage there. So, being a good student, he put it in his pocket and took it to the assistant principal to turn it in. And what thanks did he get? He got expelled!

Audrey Morgan said her son tried to do the “right thing.” The couple asked the board to give their son a 10-day suspension instead of sending him to an alternative school.

The school board’s lawyer said that the administrators were “bound by state law” to recommend expulsion to the board, but after the outcry following his parent’s talking with the media, they changed their minds and decided to just force him to be home schooled instead.

So it’s not “expulsion,” it’s “forced home schooling.” Semantics??

[tags]zero tolerance, guns in schools, public schools, idiots[/tags]

I‘ve said before that once you start messing with definitions of relationships or humanity, such as with marriage or abortion, there’s no end in sight for where it could go. Now there’s a case in Vermont that is looking for “legal recognition” of the relationship between people and pets.

A couple’s dog (one of two) was shot while the couple was on a camping trip with their dogs and this one wandered onto someone’s private property. He already paid $4,000 in damages to them, but that’s not enough. The guy has to undergo counseling and perform community service because they’re calling it “animal cruelty” and saying that “the loss of Shadow caused them emotional damages far beyond $4,000.”

If an animal wandered onto my land, especially a potentially dangerous dog, I’d feel fully justified in shooting it. Especially with only a pellet gun. That the pellet severed the dog’s aorta is unfortunate but not animal cruelty. Even the intentional shooting of a dog should be balanced by the owner’s responsibility to keep it with them and on a leash.

“Animal cruelty goes on everyday everywhere,” Sarah Scheele said. “But if there’s a law that recognizes pets as beings that deserve respect, maybe people will think twice before they’re cruel to an animal.”

Right. We’ll have to tread super-carefully to make sure that nobody can consider our treatment of any animal cruel, and at the same time, we’ll smile on allowing abortions where the fetus can obviously feel the pain. Where’s the “respect” for life? Even if some don’t call that life fully human until birth? Ultrasounds have shown that fetuses react to abortifacts by writhing in what would be called pain if a post-natal child were doing it. Having the fetus go through almost the entire birth process and then crushing its skull is just as cruel. But, for heaven’s sake, don’t shoot at a dog! You’ll pay hefty fines and have to go to counseling.

Talk about hypocritical.

[tags]animal rights, animal cruelty, abortion[/tags]

As a society, we have lost touch with our linguistic roots. The average person’s familiarity with grammar and spelling is woefully inadequate; any basic knowledge of Latin is sadly nonexistent.

That point was driven home AGAIN to me today when I heard the common phrase “I’m an alumni.” I hear that ALL THE TIME! I don’t think it’s so farfetched of an idea that people might be expected to know that -i is plural and -us is singular. Just like cactus/cacti. THAT’S considered commonly known, so why not alumnus/alumni? Outside the southwestern U.S., I’d guess that alumni is a more frequently used word than cactus. People know that cactuses is wrong because they hear it in the singular enough, while alumnus is hardly ever heard, universities usually referring to them in the plural.

Just the same, I’m always amazed at how many people say, “I’m an alumni” and think they’re right. Or (more probably) DON’T think. If Americans thought as much as they talked (and BEFORE they talked), not only would grammar be better overall, but they’d probably be less offensive to the rest of the world.

A word that’s used a lot where I work is emeriti. It’s in regard to faculty that have retired but still stay affiliated with the school. They are considered “emeriti faculty.” So, of course, I often hear, “He’s emeriti.” At least people have the sense to not use “an” in the middle, because it sounds wrong to them, but they’re still using the plural for a person, just like “alumni.” Simply put, “he is an emeritus faculty member” while “THEY are emeriti faculty members.”

Technically, faculty is singular, too, referring to the body of teachers, so a person can be a member of the faculty, not “a faculty,” but we won’t get into that!
[tags]grammar, linguistics, alumni, language, americanisms[/tags]

This afternoon our whole family went to see Pirates of the Caribbean–Dead Man’s Chest at the local “cheap theater.” I did go see it when it first came out, and blogged about it then, but a week and a half ago, it came to Washington Market, where movies are normally $1 ($1.50 after 6pm). Their special deal is that on Tuesday’s it’s only $0.50. Yes, that’s right FIFTY CENTS!! So all five family members went and saw the movie for 1/3 the average price for ONE person at a regular theater. $2.50 for five people to see a movie in the theater. It boggles the mind!

(Remember when movies only used to cost that much? Nowadays, many are charging $8 for one person to see a movie! Outrageous!)

Oh, and PotC2 has been out for 20 weeks now, and it’s still ranked #22 in the box office. They’ve raked in over $422 million now, bringing it up to SIXTH place ALL TIME at the box office. Right below Star Wars - The Phantom Menace. I don’t think it will overtake that one, because it’s $8.5 million behind it and only bringing in about $350,000 a week now. But still, that’s very impressive. And if, once the last one comes out, they release all three back to back in the theater (a very smart idea, I think), then all three would probably get a huge boost in their final numbers.

[tags]movies, film, pirates, pirates of the caribbean[/tags]

We hear stories about frivolous lawsuits that make most citizens cringe. Well, here are the “Top Five Most Frivolous Cases Filed By New York City Prisoners.”

* Francis Hugh Smith claimed New York owed him $10 million because faulty medical care caused amnesia that made him leave his work-release job and forget to return to prison.

* Anthony Malloy sough “$989 billion trillion” because he said prison guards beat up his jacket, which he was not wearing at the time. His case was dismissed.

* Anthony Gill claimed secondhand cigarette smoke from other inmates caused him medical problems — although he buys cigarettes from the prison commissary.

* Jose Reyes wants $1000 because the state made him eat vegetable diet loaf after he violated prison rules. He said he lost 450g.

* Thomas Higgins sued the state for $10,000 because a prison laundry machine broke and he claims a constitutional right to clean clothes and blankets.

[tags]lawsuits, frivolous lawsuits[/tags]

Who has the right of way on streets or highways where a merge is happening? If a city street has a sign that the right lane is ending and then the side of the road comes in, doesn’t the person in the right lane have to YIELD? Or are they supposed to just drive like they’re in the correct lane and make others move to accommodate them?

I see that happen a lot! On city streets, highway entrance ramps, and especially (now that I’m taking 90% highway to work) on highways where one highway merges into another. It’s no problem when the sign shows that the merging lanes will come alongside, but when the sign shows a large arrow and a smaller arrow merging into it, doesn’t that mean that the people coming from the smaller side need to yield and that the large arrow has the right of way? Or is traffic on the main highway supposed to come to a stop just to make sure that the entering vehicles can come in as they see fit? Or at least every other car?

I think many of our highway backups happen because people entering the highway are driving like they’re entitled to go where they want and everyone else better make room.

[tags]driving, highways, merging[/tags]

Literally! I just read this news headline: British Man Injured After Lighting Firecracker in Buttocks. I don’t have to give any more details. If you’re curious, read the article. It’s short. Just let it be said that it’s surprising the firecracker fit while his head was up there!

[tags]stupidity[/tags]

Have you ever noticed how there’s a declining number of people that actually look you in the eye when they walk past you? I work at the Reference Desk in our library at Butler University and anyone who wants to get to the computer lab (25 computers available) has to walk past the Reference Desk. I’ve made it a point to try to look everyone in the eye as they come by. If they meet my gaze, I smile, maybe say hi. The idea is good customer service, making people feel welcome and letting them know you’re approachable if they have questions.

I find it amazing how many people any more just walk past, pointedly NOT looking at you, hurrying their way to a computer. It’s not just that they’re in a hurry or are really focused. Often they’re not even walking fast. But they still avoid making eye contact. I’m not asking for any verbal interaction or even a smile. Just acknowledging the presence of another human being.

Is this a symptom of the iPod generation, with people focusing inward on their thoughts and their music while ignoring the people and sounds around them? Are they just becoming more “private” or withdrawn? Is this a symptom of some deeper problem on today’s changing society?

All I know is that when people walk past me at the desk and I’m looking at them the entire time and they don’t even LOOK at me, it makes me feel like a dictionary or printer or some other object or piece of equipment. Not worth looking at unless you need to use it. I find it particularly insulting when you put a container of candy on the counter for people to take and they walk past and take one and STILL don’t even look at the person who’s right behind the candy at the counter. (Yes, I’ve done this today and have been watching people do just that.)

I’ll tell you one thing, it sure makes you appreciate the people who actually look at you and SMILE. There are a couple of students that I’ve seen the last couple of years who ALWAYS seem to have a smile for anyone. I’ve actually gone out of my way to compliment them privately and let them know how much their smiles are appreciated (and how rare they are today).

This also reminds me to make it a point to make eye contact with people I walk past, and to even smile sometimes if eye contact is made. Not a huge sacrifice or unsurmountable task. Just a little muscle movement in the face to show that you realize there’s an actual person passing by you and that they’re valuable just because they’re human.

[tags]psychology, personal interaction, society[/tags]