This is just AMAZING! It’s a website with a series of photographs of a mishap with a tugboat. They’re real. There are descriptions under some of the pictures. At the end, there are a couple of postings by people who were there or could verify the story. Check it out:
http://www.gcfl.net/stuff/tugboat/
(P.S. After you’re done, use the BACK and FORWARD arrows in quick succession to see the whole thing smoothly. Wow!)
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard a big splash.
“Do you think,” said one clergyman to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”
I read an interesting story today. It was from Wired Magazine and was called The Mac Guru of Damascus in the Case of the Missing Laptops. It’s an interesting story about an American journalist who was in Damascus, Syria, and got his computers stolen from his apartment. It ends well, is interesting and worth the read.
The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up easy for transporting
Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisers
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, not a popular dog with CIA agents
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by… oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end
Current music: 
Sounds of Silence, by Simon & Garfunkel
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city.
He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits.
He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits.
The young man replied, “I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame.”
Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco. It had been burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buy a guard dog.
Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whose sign boasted, “The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy.” He entered the store, but much to his disappointment, all the dogs he could see were Pekingese.
“Excuse me”, Sam said to the manager, “But the sign outside says you sell guard dogs. Where are they?”
The manager, an elderly Chinese man, replied, “Oh, but these are highly trained guard dogs. They all know karate.”
“Karate! No way.”
“I’ll show you”, said the shop owner. He took one of the Pekingese out to the backyard and put it in front of a brick. The dog stood absolutely still. The shopkeeper gave a command, “Karate! Brick!”
And with complete astonishment, Sam saw the little dog perform a perfect karate chop, splitting the brick in half.
The shop owner then gave another command, “Karate! Board!”
Again, the little Pekingese effortlessly jumped up and broke the board he was holding.
Totally amazed, Sam bought the dog. Back at his own store, he showed the guard dog Pekingese to George, who thought he was completely mad and told him to return the Pekingese immediately.
“But, he is a trained guard dog.”
“Yeah, sure!”
Sam put the Pekingese on the floor and said, “He knows karate!!”
With a sneer George retorted, “Karate! My eye!”
A man is eating a meal at a restaurant. He checks his pockets and leaves his tip — just three pennies.
As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself, “You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves.”
The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. “Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?”
“Well, this penny tells me you’re a thrifty man.”
Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters, “Hmm, true enough.”
“And this penny, it tells me you’re a bachelor.”
Surprised at her perception, he says, “Well, that’s true, too.”
“And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too.”
It’s been a while since I posted one of these lists from Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg’s book, The Book of Ratings, and there’s a TON of awfully funny material in it, so here’s a new list from the book.
Vampire Weaknesses
- Garlic
As a food, garlic gets an A+, but as the Achilles’ heel of bloodsucking undead predators, I dunno. It seems like an insult gone awry: “Gee, Hans, I don’t know how we’re going to stop this ‘vampire’ of yours. Have you tried breathing on it?” If vampires had been invented in our era, they might have been repelled by cell phones in restaurants or people who recite the entire plots of TV shows at parties. D+- Sunlight
In the novel Dracula, sunlight doesn’t kill the title vamp, he’s just tired and listless during the day, which also applies to half the people I’ve worked with. Now, of course, this has evolved into current versions of spontaneous inhuman combustion in sunlight or at tanning salons. Which is, to be fair, much cooler. A- Crucifixes
My main question is whether alternative cross-shaped items like railroad crossing signs or the American Lung Association logo would work. I’ve heard revisionist vampire tales in which it’s not the cross but the faith that does the work, and that anything that one considers sacred and awe-inspiring would work, which is why I carry a picture of Bjork with me at all times. C- Running Water
Beware my Slip ‘n Slide, fanged demon! The idea that vampires can’t cross running water has largely been ignored in contemporary vampire literature because of the dumbness. The image of a vampire pacing the opposite bank of a river, fuming like Yosemite Sam because he can’t get to you, doesn’t fit the current psychoerotic take on filmdom’s most dapper monster. D- Stakes
The method of making the undead dead varies widely, assuming “dump him in a sunny meadow” isn’t an option. In some milieu, a stake through the heart does the trick, while in others you have to stake the bloodsucker, chop his head off, stuff his mouth with garlic, and–on the Food Network–bake him at 350 degrees for forty-five minutes. Serves six. Calories per serving: 460. Calories from evil: 250. B
Current music: 
Scenes from The Louvre, by Norman Dello Joio
The growth of the internet has really increased the popularity and effectiveness of April Fool’s Day. Now ALL KINDS of pranks can be played online in the guise of “new technologies” or “new services.” 
Here are a few links to places that have “celebrated” April Fool’s Day this year. Most of these are pretty clever and funny.
(Okay, that last one was from The Onion, so it’s bound to be funny, even if it’s not April Fool’s Day.)
Feel free to share these with your friends. And even to disguise them like this: Google to Acquire U.S. Government
NEW YORK (AP) — Century Communications announced today plans for an exciting new 900 service, with profits to go to help defray the cost of installing and maintaining enhanced 911 service across the country. Called “The 911 Chatline,” it allows callers to choose an area of the country and to listen to 911 emergency calls from it.
When asked what prompted this unusual foray into the 900 business, Century spokeswoman Fawn Lebowitz said, “In recent years we’ve seen a dramatic increase in the popularity of reality-based television shows. The 911 Chatline allows callers to experience real-life drama while it is going on, all from the comfort of their own home.”
While listening to the emergency calls going through, callers to the Chatline have a number of options. They can listen to just the 911 calls for the area they select, switch their call to a different area, or, probably the most interesting option, connect their call to the 911 Chatline to discuss the details of the emergencies with each other as they happen and before the police have even arrived!
Thanks to new voice recognition software from AT&T, callers do not even need a touch tone telephone in order to use the service. They can choose which 911 center to listen to simply by saying the area code and city that they are interested in listening to calls from. Calls are directed to the 911 center nearest this location.
As 911 centers sign up to receive their share of the profits, they are connected to the Chatline network. Century says it has already wired up over 50 centers and that it has coverage in most major metropolitan areas. They plan to have the whole nation wired by April 2009.
[Happy April Fool's Day!]
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Name:
Scott Pfitzinger
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Occupation: Reference Librarian
AOL IM: basshandbells
Yahoo! IM: basshandbells
Posts on the subject of technology and libraries can be found on my professional blog: BiblioTech Web.
Random HGTTG quote:
| <- Rnd --Indiana Blogs-- Add -> |
