Here are Ten Common Full-Time Employee Illnesses:

  1. The Macy’s One-Day Sale Flu.
  2. The Drivers License Renewal Appointment 24-Hour Virus.
  3. The Friday-Afternoon-Start-The-Weekend-Early Sudden Unbearable Stomach Pains.
  4. The I’m Looking for a New Job and I Don’t Know How Long it’s Going to Take, but I Want to Stay on the Payroll Until Then Mysterious Infection.
  5. The My Boyfriend’s Got the Week Off so Suddenly I’m too Contagious to Come in to the Office Disease.
  6. The I Need a Hair Cut and My Stylist Doesn’t Make Evening Appointments Bout of Influenza.
  7. The There’s No Federal Holidays for Two Months and I Want a Day Off Sickness.
  8. The It’s Spring Break and I Want to Pretend I’m a Teenager Again General Ailment.
  9. The I’ve Messed Up Royally and I Won’t Come in to Face the Music Terminal Illness.
  10. The I Really AM Sick and I’ve Got the Doctor’s Bills and the Completed Medical Expense Reimbursement Forms to Prove It Infirmity.