A guy named Bob is traveling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him.
He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time heavily criticizing the president, the war, corruption, unemployment, etc.
So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the government would be severely punished.
This didn’t have any effect on those guys, moreover they just laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes about George Bush and the government.
Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the train conductor.
Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at exactly 3:00 a.m.
He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat, so that talkative guys could hear him:
“If the FBI director can hear me: could you please bring me a glass of water and some sleeping pills at 3:00 a.m., because there are some idiots here who are speaking too loudly about some political issues and won’t let me sleep.”
The guys continue talking.
Exactly at 3:00 am, the door opens and the conductor comes out, and gives Bob the water and some sleeping pills.
The guys are shocked and finally stop talking. Bob is happy and manages to fall asleep.
When he wakes in the morning, the talkative guys are no where to be found.
Out of curiosity he asks the conductor about them (also remembering that there shouldn’t have been any stops at night).
The conductor replies that some people in black suits stopped the train and arrested those guys.
Bob is completely shocked and surprised and asks about why he was not arrested.
The conductor answers that he doesn’t have a clue, but one of the guys in black suits said that the director of the FBI liked Bob’s joke about the water and pills.
It’s finally official. After months of website/database development and logo design work, my new handbell music publishing website is LIVE AND READY! It’s called Tinnio Ergo Sum Press and is available at http://tespress.com. (By the way, that translates “I ring, therefore I am.”)
The music published at http://tespress.com typically comes from one of two perspectives: 1) Unique, original, non-traditional, or even jazzy music, or 2) Transcriptions of classical music that maintain the colors and moods of the original works.
While you can order printed copies of any available music, the strength of this website is that every piece can be downloaded and have unlimited copies made for one ensemble. That’s also the most cost effective method of purchase. No PayPal or any other account is required, but when a purchase is made online, you can download it immediately. Each piece also has a couple sample pages available to view while you listen to a Finale-generated audio version of the full piece.
Here are a few examples of the music that is already available from Tinnio Ergo Sum Press:
Anyway, that’s where my spare time has been going for the last few months. I’ve already had my first purchase, which occurred before I’d even officially announced the site to the handbell world. Pretty cool!
My dearest darling Edward, Dec 25
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.
Your deeply loving
Emily
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Beloved Edward, Dec 26
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I’m so touched and grateful!
With undying love, as always,
Emily
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My darling Edward, Dec 27
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It’s a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we’ll find some.
Anyway, thank you so much; they’re lovely.
Your devoted Emily
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Dearest Edward, Dec 28
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly–they make telephoning almost impossible–but I expect they’ll calm down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I’m very grateful, of course I am.
Love from Emily
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Dearest Edward, Dec 29
The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I’m afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants to use the rings to “wring” their necks. Mother has such a sense of humor. This time she’s only joking, I think, but I do know what she means. Still, I love the rings.
Bless you,
Emily
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Dear Edward, Dec 30
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn’t six socking great geese laying eggs all over the porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them, and they’ve already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but let’s call a halt, shall we?
Love,
Emily
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Edward, Dec 31
I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no more than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish pond. I’d rather not think what’s happened to the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please, please, stop!
Your Emily
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Jan 1
Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If so, I’m afraid I don’t find it very amusing.
Emily
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Look here, Edward, Jan 2
This has gone far enough. You say you’re sending me nine ladies dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they’re certainly not ladies. The village just isn’t accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragoes, with nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and it’s Mother and I who get the blame. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behavior at once!
Emily
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Jan 3
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are prancing up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the swans and the cows got at it. And several of them, I have just noticed, are taking inexcusable liberties with the milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbors are trying to have us evicted. I shall never speak to you again.
Emily
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Jan 4
This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes! The place has now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an ambulance. I hope you’re satisfied.
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Sir, Jan 5
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire percussion section of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock.
I am, Sir, yours faithfully,
G. Creep
Attorney at law
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a
general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not
limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been
affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or
belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus
(hereinafter “Claus”) would arrive at sometime thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts, and/or sugar plums, did
dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
to as “I”), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the
parts of the second part (hereinafter “Mamma”), and said Mamma had
retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties
were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon
the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House,
i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or
circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a
window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some
degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh
(hereinafter “the Vehicle”) being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly
through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of
the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced
Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance
to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically indentified
the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter “the Deer”). (Upon
information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-
conspirator named “Rudolph” may have been involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several
residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and
noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and
other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior
invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle
arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered
with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing
a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown
items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in
blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of
the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and
other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute “gifts”
to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax
Code.)
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and
flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof
where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as “lookouts.” Claus
immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from
said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or
exclaim: “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!” Or words
to that effect.
Sorry if you tired of the theremin post, but I found one more video on YouTube that I had to share. The artistry and musicianship of this guy is just AMAZING! It’s quite a moving performance and shows just how beautiful music can be, regardless of the instrument. Give it a listen below.
The British Medical Journal published an article yesterday written by two U.S. researchers who examined the evidence for seven “medical myths.” Here’s what they found out. (Click the link to read the full article and get the explanations.)
Drinking eight glasses of water a day to stay healthy has so scientific basis.
Reading in dim light will not ruin your eyesight.
Shaving your hair does not make it grow back faster or coarser.
Eating turkey does NOT make you drowsy (any more than chicken or other foods).
We do use more than 10% of our brains.
Hair and fingernails do not continue to grow after death.
So there’s this cool electronic instrument that’s been around since 1919. Not new, but hardly heard of. It’s called a Theremin, named after its inventor, Léon Theremin, and it was the first musical instrument designed to be played without actually being touched. There is an electromagnetic field generated from two different antennas which is manipulated to play the instrument. The vertical antenna is usually on the right side and uses the right hand to control the pitch. The left hand controls the volume with the horizontal antenna on the left. Pretty basic concept, but incredibly difficult to master.
The theremin, I perceive, is slowly growing in popularity with modern composers, since it not only has a very unique sound, but is also quite flexible. Microtones are possible since you can play the entire spectrum including all the subtle nuances between standard musical notes.
You can read more about the theremin, find out about movies and bands who have used the theremin, and find more links in the Wikipedia article on the theremin. Here are a couple of video clips of some EXCELLENT theremin playing.
Lydia Kavina is known as one of the world’s experts and has helped develop and standardize hand movements, resulting in greater virtuosity.
Carolina Eyck is another contemporary thereminist who is performing today. The next two videos are of her, first on a tv show and then with a string quartet and Heinz Holliger on oboe. Quite amazing!
This last one is just a neat electronic jam session of sorts. You just have to see and listen. It’s pretty cool and a nice way to incorporate the theremin into modern popular music.
By the way, if you want to learn more about theremins or even explore buying one and learning to play it, visit Theremin World. Prices start in the low $300s.
Today was our annual Library Staff Holiday Party, which ended with the traditional Duck Drop. That’s where we go up to the third floor and take turns dropping rubber ducks into the fountain down on the main floor (which is about 15′ by 10′). If you get it in the fountain at all, it’s 1 point, 5 points if you get it into the birdbath-looking bowl in the fountain, and 10 points if you get it into the various target rings set to float around the main fountain. Oh, and 25 points if you hit the big rubber duck with a target on his head and red rings all around his body, but people never really try for that one.
Everyone who scores above the median goes on to the second round. Same for the third and fourth rounds. Each round, though, involves dropping the ducks from a different side of the atrium, getting farther from the easier targets.
This year I won again! For the second year in a row, successfully defending my title! Woo-hoo!! And this honor also allows me to keep the King Duck in my office for another year. I *had* been telling people how much he loved staying in my office, so it’s only right that he gets to stay where he feels comfortable.
He’s a Rubba brand duck that’s really hard to find any more. His official model name is P.King Duck. You can still find him at RubbaDucks, though, which is nice. I’ve included his picture in this post.
Here are some other good Rubber Duck links. Who’d have thought there were so many varieties??
Here are some video clips of classic Emo Philips. These from his “Live at the Hasty Pudding Theater” show from the late 1980s. Enjoy! (Oh, and he’s still touring and doing standup, so if you’re a fan, visit http://www.emophilips.com to find out more about his tours and when he’ll be in your neighborhood.)
UPDATE: I’m not sure why the videos keep occasionally saying “no longer available” even when I update them, but you can be sure to get some good Emo videos at http://www.emophilips.com/video/
Okay, this is just too good to keep to myself. One of my fellow bellringers shared this yesterday and I have to tell more people about it. You’ve probably heard of the popular Guitar Hero and its sequels. Maybe you’ve even played it. It all started with the whole “Dance Revolution” game that had (and has) people bopping around on a floor mat, getting their feet into different circles in time with the music and following the “steps” on the big screen.
Well, now there’s Handbell Hero! You do the same thing as with the other games, hitting the right key (in this case) as the number falls into its box. You get the hang of it after you try it for a minute or so. There are three different levels, requiring three, four, or EIGHT keys. That last one is HARD!
And by the way, the game does actually give you a taste of what playing handbells is like. Especially the middle level, “Brass Bells” (as opposed to “Tinkerbell” or “Hell’s Bells”). Treble ringers often have four bells in their hands, so the game does make you think a little like a treble ringer (scary thought, that).
You can still find him at 
Na
