Coffee Klatch

1. You reuse last year’s Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)

2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor’s outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points; 10 if neighbor’s whole light set or lighted Santa goes out)

3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)

4. You put out last year’s stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy; if you also put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa, add 10 points)

5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Wal-Mart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale’s or other prestige store’s box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction)

6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day (5 points; 10 if from a cell phone claiming you are stuck in a phone booth)

7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party)

8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own. (Southern California & Florida only, others ignore: 5 points)

9. After an invitation to a friend’s house, you bring a commercially-produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as homemade. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year)

10. Taking toys from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins, which is a definite no-no. (20 points)

Evaluate your score on the “Grinch Scale” from 20 to 100:

20-30: You’re just a cheeseball.
30-50: You’re an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted for overdue parking tickets.
50-100: Grinch, move over!

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness and peace in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil Show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”

So this morning I looked around my house to see all the things I had started and not finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how good I feel right now. Please pass this on to those you think might be stressed.

You’ve probably heard how the upcoming movie The Golden Compass is based on a book written by a militant atheist, how the books progress from something seemingly innocent to becoming very anti-God (the children apparently kill God in the end, so they (many Christians say) can do whatever they want in the misunderstood name of Freedom. The argument from many well-meaning Christians is that the movies (assuming the others will also be made into movies) and books start out fun, innocent, and exciting, so that children will get interested and then get the “true atheist message” by the end.

This post is NOT about the movie, the books, or the author. Instead, I want to talk about the Christian response to non-Christian or anti-Christian media.

Christians are called to be “salt and light” to the world. That is, to spread God’s news of salvation through Jesus Christ by what we say and how we live. Salt spreads its qualities (saltiness) to that with which it comes in contact, while light illumines the darkness, banishing shadows and exposing the truth. This requires walking a fine line between meekness and militancy.

So when Christians encounter a movie, book, or something in another medium that goes against Christianity, how should they respond? Some choose to ignore it. Others boycott it, trying to discourage other people from seeing it. Others learn all they can about it, seeking to form counterarguments and thereby “disprove” the points in question. Are any of these methods best? I will take a look at them using the example of a movie (could be any movie).

When Christians bash a movie (whether right or wrong) as being anti-Christian, insidious, dangerous, or otherwise to be avoided, that tends to draw more attention to that movie. We’ve seen it happen with The Da Vinci Code recently. Sure, I agree that it’s based on flawed research and anti-Christian ideas, but I also think that the movie and book wouldn’t have gotten so popular if so many Christians hadn’t shouted to the world to avoid them.

Granted, avoiding a movie keeps your dollars from casting their vote, as it were, in support of that movie, but loudly protesting the movie really backfires, driving more people to see the movie to find out what all the noise is about. This makes it sound like quiet avoidance might “further the cause” better.

On the other hand, reading a book or watching a movie will indeed help you learn about it, so that you can better discuss the issues with others. The tradeoff is that you spend some money to achieve this, resulting in more sales for said book or movie. Ultimately, you’ll probably do more good being able to intelligently discuss why you agree or disagree with a movie than by avoiding spending a few dollars on it.

For too long Christians of the modern Western world have blindly followed people who formed blacklists and said to avoid this or that movie, song, book, or whatever. I totally agree that there are some things that Christians probably SHOULD avoid, for the sake of their spiritual health. Books on Satanism or films with graphic sexual content are good examples. However, Christians who avoid exposure to TOO much remain ignorant and narrow minded. I would argue that it is much better for Christians to LEARN about the world and society around them. You can’t be “salt and light” to the world if you totally avoid exposure to that world. Christians are NOT called to be blind and ignorant.

The Harry Potter books and movies are a good example. So are the Lord of the Rings books/movies. Most Christians would agree that they’re relatively innocent and don’t come close to advocating actual real-world witchcraft. When dealing with stories that take place in a fantasy world–that is, one that is not based on premises and concepts that are found within our real world–you have to go more on the morality of the characters, since the operating laws of physics, spirituality, and magic are changed from those in our real world.

So… how should you respond to movies like The Golden Compass? Only you can decide for yourself. It depends on your comfort level with the content and how you feel about spending your money. It can be argued either way (as you’ve seen), but I have to say it does no one any good for you to remain ignorant about something just because some Christians have said it’s bad. Don’t “dabble” in anything that’s obviously sinful or that will lead you down the wrong path, but do be informed. If you choose to avoid going to see it, make sure you know WHY you’re avoiding it and be able to explain your reasons to others.

The most dangerous thing for a non-Christian world is a well-read, well-informed, rational Christian.

Current music: Pater Noster: Settings of the Lord’s Prayer

There’s a really funny website that a friend of mine showed me recently. It’s called http://www.engrish.com/ and is just what it sounds like: a collection of photos of mis-translated or otherwise funny English mistakes that appear in Japanese ads and product labels. LOTS of different categories, including candy, menus, instructions, stationery, toiletries, and many more. Many of the pictures have short captions below them, which usually add to the humor or help explain if you don’t get it.

Here are a few examples:

To Drive the Cold Winter Away, by Loreena McKennitt

When Ruth’s grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, “Oh no, oh no, now I can’t be a doctor when I grow up.”

Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn’t.

Finally she asked, “Why can’t you be a doctor?”

Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, “Because now I will have to be a pirate!”

Thanksgiving weekend (Wed. – Sun.) this year was a trip to New York. Many of my relatives still live in the area south of Buffalo and we haven’t been back to visit since 1997. We left early Wednesday and made the eight-hour drive with an extra stop at the Cuyahoga Valley National Park where we got some scenic drives in, saw a waterfall, heard a bald eagle, and then later saw one flying overhead.

Side note: We have National Park Passport Books, which we can get stamped at every National Park/Monument/Battlefield/Historic Site that we visit, thereby collecting the stamps and documenting our visits, so when we travel, I like to plan routes that allow us to hit some National Parks along the way and get stamps.

We got to New York about 4:30 pm and visited with my aunt, uncle, and cousin that night. Another aunt, uncle, and cousin came for Thanksgiving Dinner and my grandmother’s sister and her husband came to visit. I talked genealogy (among other things) and got some more names and dates for our family genealogy database. All these were on my father’s side of the family.

On Friday, we went to Niagara Falls and visited the Theodore Roosevelt Inauguration National Historic Site (another stamp for the Passport Book). In 1901, President William McKinley was assassinated while visiting the Pan-American Exhibition in Buffalo. Theodore Roosevelt was sworn in at that site on Sept. 14th.

Friday evening we went to another uncle’s house (on my mother’s side) and had some more uncles, cousins, and their families come over for the evening. Saturday we went to visit my grandmother who’s in a nursing home. She didn’t know we were coming and was quite surprised. She hadn’t seen us in 10 years, which means Blaise was only an infant and Camber wasn’t born yet. And Alaric had gone from 3 years old to a 6’1″ 13-year-old. More genealogy info from my mother’s side, too.

Saturday afternoon we visited the Kazoo Factory in Eden, NY (I used to live in Eden my first few years of life). This was the original maker of metal kazoos (the only remaining one in the U.S.) and is 100 years old this year. We got to tour the factory and the kids got to make their own kazoos using genuine parts and a cool metal press that assembles the pieces, crimps the metal, and all that.

After the Kazoo Company on Saturday, we went to church with my uncle for the very first time and headed back toward Indiana. I had a critical handbell rehearsal to make today here in Indy at NOON, so we got a few hours of driving in last night, stayed in a hotel near Cleveland long enough to get about 6 hours of sleep, and then back on the road at 6am this morning. We had about five hours of driving left, so that got me home in time to quickly unpack and get ready for a three-hour rehearsal.

Now that THAT’S done, I can relax the rest of the evening and sleep in tomorrow since I’m now working Monday evenings at the Reference Desk instead of Tuesdays. Sigh……

(and that’s why there haven’t been any posts in the last few days)

Remember those old UHF stations that showed B-movies or even locally produced stuff? The hosts were kinda weird and the “spots” in between segments even weirder. Weird Al’s movie UHF spoofed this, as did Mystery Science Theater 3000, though in a different way. We still have some “public access” channels that are similar, but with the proliferation of cable/satellite channels and HDTV with its multiple channels per station, these are getting rarer.

Recently I came across The Cult of UHF, a website that not only recaptures the spirit of these old channels and their B-movies, but also redistributes them via Video Podcast! You can watch the complete movies from every “show” they’ve done. The humor is kinda lame (and therefore funnier) and they really make you feel like you’re watching a UHF station that’s airing a bad movie. They actually have done several movies that MST3K did, but plenty of others as well, including Plan Nine From Outer Space, most often voted “Worst Movie Ever Made” and even beating Manos: The Hands of Fate for that honor.

Cult of UHF is dedicated to the worship of the Holy Static and the cheesy B-movies that It provides since November 2005.

Long past are the days of rabbit ears and Ultra High Frequencey independent local stations that channeled the word of b-movie marathons and sunday afternoon Kung-fu theatre, but now thanks to video podcasting the format of hosted late night cheese can carry on!

So turn down the lights, grab your iPod and settle in for some goofy skits and some great old B-movie classics.

So if you’re looking for a campy, fun, b-movie atmosphere, visit Reverend Chumley and join his Cult of UHF! They’ve just posted Episode #40, “The Last Man on Earth.” Other episodes have included Guy With the Secret Kung Fu, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Zontar: The Thing from Venus, and Shaolin Invincibles. Lots of fun and laughs!!

Current music: December, by George Winston

Back in February I wrote about some highway construction that, while necessary, was going to put on hitch in my workday commute. Well, it’s OVER! FINALLY!! It was SO COOL to get on the highway a half-mile from my house and take a four-lane highway to work instead of 10 miles of city streets and stoopid drivers.

Granted, there’s still a bit more to do that will take the workers a couple of months to finish, but that’s mostly cosmetic like landscaping, etc. The best part is that the ON-ramps are open now, as are all the traffic lanes. For a few months now the exit ramps have been open, so I could take the highway home and fight the restricted lanes, but now I can get on near home as well.

What a relief!

Current music: Sacred Treasures from Russia III

According to Wikipedia, “a mondegreen is the mishearing (usually accidental) of a phrase as a homophone or near-homophone in such a way that it acquires a new meaning.” Most often, this is a result of listening to music and not catching all the exact lyrics. We all probably have songs where there’s a section in which we don’t clearly understand every word, and so we just assume it’s this or that. When we’re wrong but start giving new meaning to the lyrics because of our misunderstanding, that’s a mondegreen.

The word “mondegreen” is itself a mondegreen. The American writer Sylvia Wright coined it in an essay “The Death of Lady Mondegreen”, which was published in Harper’s Magazine in November 1954. She wrote:

When I was a child, my mother used to read aloud to me from Percy’s Reliques. One of my favorite poems began, as I remember:

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,

Oh, where hae ye been?

They hae slain the Earl Amurray, [sic]

And Lady Mondegreen.

The actual fourth line is “And laid him on the green”, from the anonymous 17th century ballad “The Bonnie Earl O’ Murray“. Wright gives other examples of what she says, “I shall hereafter call mondegreens,” such as:

• Surely/Shirley, Good Mrs. Murphy shall follow me all the days of my life (“Surely goodness and mercy…” from Psalm 23)

• The wild, strange battle cry “Haffely, Gaffely, Gaffely, Gonward.” (“Half a league, half a league,/ Half a league onward,” from “The Charge of the Light Brigade“)

You can get more examples, variations, and history of mondegreens at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen.

And all this because I wanted to see if the ELO song “Don’t Bring Me Down” actually used the word “Bruce.”

Very interesting. And now you know…. (And hopefully you’re now humming the song!)

This just in from Germany:

“Man Forgets Car At Gas Station”

A German man forgot his car after filling it up at a petrol station, police said Friday. “He just forgot about it and walked off home,” said a spokesman for police in the western city of Wuppertal.

“Well, I’m sure I didn’t leave it on my head or in the refrigerator!”
“Why’d I come here? Can’t remember. Guess I’ll go home.”