Aspects of the Weather Report
Categories: Books, HumorPosted on Monday, 23 July 2007 11:20 by pfitz
It’s time for another comic relief post. Again from The Book of Ratings, by Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg, which is a terrificly funny book, as I’ve mentioned before. If you find these at all funny, you’ve GOT to buy the book. It’s loaded with stuff like this! Just click the link above.
Today’s humorous topic: Aspects of the Weather Report, with commentary and ratings.
Aspects of the Weather Report Humidity Index
While I appreciate the attempt to give me a context for my misery, I find the calculation of how hot it feels like to be less than useful. First off, it’s wrong. When it’s 95 degrees in California, I don’t think “Hey, this is just like 85 degrees in Nashville in July.” I’m just glad I’m not there. I think that the weatherfolk should at least attempt to be more evocative. “It’s ninety-two degrees, but it feels like you’re being stuffed fully clothed into a sauna and made to breathe through a wet sock.” DFronts
Another thing I appreciate about weatherpersons is their cheerful crusade to educate me. “There’s a warm front coming in off this high-pressure area in the north, and it’s running into a cold front here, and you know what that means!” says the weatherman. “Locusts?” I venture. “Thunderstorms!” says the weatherman. “Well, you could have just said that,” I reply. Then I throw a sock at the screen. CForecast Diagrams
Once upon a memory, the forecast was simple and stationary. You had your sun and your clouds. The clouds could rain or snow. Maybe you’d see the word “wind” if there was a ratings battle going on. The local all-weather station now has animated weather that, I think, is supposed to provide a sense of time, so that if there are clouds on the left side of the Monday box but not on the right, that means Monday will start out cloudy and clear up. And if it’s night, the “next few hours” forecast has a moon. The clouds actually go behind the moon, so it’s not meteorologically accurate, but points for trying. C+Temperature Bands
I think of this as the “envy and spite” chart. With one sweeping glance, you can see that Oregon is having a nicer day than you are, but at least you’re not in Missouri. It’s especially easy for me, because as far as my Nordic blood is concerned, blue is good. Some people prefer living in the light yellow areas, but my gaze is always drawn longingly toward Canada. BLightning Charts
One of the nice maps they go through on the Weather Channel is the chart of every single lightning strike, usually displayed in this shimmering band of plus and minus signs like an arithmetic book breaking into a riot. I’m sure they have some miraculous satellite that keeps track of these things, but I’d still like to have the job of standing on my porch looking for strikes and counting “one one-hundred, two one-hundred, three one-hundred….” B-Sweeping Arm Movements
What I want for my birthday is this: a tape of weather reports without the superimposed maps. Just a man or lady standing in front of a blue screen, staring off-camera, babbling about high-pressure areas and making sweeping arm movements. I think that would be hilarious. The sweeping arm movements would really make it for me. B
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August 7th, 2007 at 16:49
Borrowed shamelessly from the MSU school of journalism
Marvin “Sonny” Eliot (2005)
Marvin “Sonny” Eliot
Legendary Detroit weatherman Sonny Eliot is best known to viewers for his comic antics when presenting the forecast for the day’s weather. What few realize is that he is the consummate professional predicting a half-century of weather long before radar, Doppler or any high-tech services were available. He pioneered weather forecasting as a standard feature in local television newscasts.
From the early days of radio drama to the heyday of television news to the biggest television events to returning to radio, Sonny is the most famous weather journalist in Detroit. Generations saw him as host of a 17-year series, “At the Zoo,” saw the Hudson’s Thanksgiving Day Parade through his eyes or learned state geography as he told the weather in Hell, Ishpeming or Kalamazoo.
“Sonny has been a strong, steady and inspirational fixture at WWJ Newsradio 950 since 1947,” writes Rich Homberg, VP and general manager of the station. “Sonny Eliot is a tireless and innovative force in Michigan Journalism.”
Some of the many awards and citations Eliot received include the Sloan Award for his traffic safety tips at WDIV, citations by the American Legion and American Meteorological Society and the Toastmaster International Award. Inductions include the Michigan Broadcasters Hall of Fame and the Michigan Aviation Hall of Fame.
Few know that his funny repartée kept him alive in dire times. During World War II, Eliot was a B-24 bomber pilot when he was shot down over Germany and spent the next 18 months as a prisoner of war. He staged original skits and reviews for prisoners in Stalagluft I. He subsequently earned a B.A. in English and an M.A. in mass communications at Wayne State University.
Many of his nominators cited Eliot as a present-day hero in ways that count, caring for his beloved bride, Annette, after she suffered a disabling stroke.
His affable weather broadcasting remains his legacy. “Sonny has truly done it all—and he’s not done yet,” Homberg says.