Do you like to read? Maybe the classics, maybe Science Fiction or Fantasy books? Or even children’s bedtime stories? But you just don’t have the time any more? I’ve found the solution for you. It’s called Book-A-Minute! Produced by a site called RinkWorks, which also does all kinds of games, puzzles, and humor materials, the Book-A-Minute program gives you “ultra-condensed books” that take a minute or less to read.

Fans of the book may be offended, but that’s not their intention. Instead, they’ve tried to make humorous summaries of popular books. Just for the fun of it.

Example:

The Fellowship of the Ring
By J. R. R. Tolkien
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard

Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we’ll try to destroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with.

Bilbo Baggins: It’s not evil. It’s mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELL YOU!! MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

(Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attacked by black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.)

Elrond: Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will be destroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ring to where he lives.

(They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES in the mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form having triumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where the guy comes back as a DOG.)

Boromir: Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring.

Frodo: No.

Boromir: What have I done? (dies)

THE END

Get the idea? They’ve got TONS of books here. Overall, it’s a very funny site, as long as you don’t take yourself or your favorite books too seriously.

Just for kicks, here’s another:

The Time Machine
By H.G. Wells
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard

The Time Traveller: I’m going to travel ten scrillion years into the future. Maybe they’ll know what my name is.

Weena: I’m a member of the beautiful Eloi race. We’re dumb as bricks.

A Morlock: Har. We Morlocks are ugly and mean. We have taken your time machine.

(The Time Traveller recovers the time machine and goes home.)

THE END

To give you a taste of the bedtime ultra-condensed books, here’s Green Eggs And Ham:

Green Eggs and Ham
By Dr. Seuss
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard

Some Creature: I won’t eat green eggs and ham anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances.

Sam I Am: Try it.

Some Creature: Yum.

THE END

For more of these, visit:
Book-A-Minute Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Book-A-Minute Classics
Book-A-Minute Bedtime

Enjoy! I’m off to Italian Class! :-D